Sunday, October 26, 2008

Unfinished Business . . .

I am a huge believer that life is about continuing to learn, grow and progess as a human being. I also believe the Universe is generous in it's Lesson Plans. If you don't get it the first time, don't worry, the opportunity will come back around. The stakes, however, may be higher next time.

As I look around me, all I see is unfinished business. Tasks around the place, begun but not completed, with the tools and materials left where they lay. Housework . . . don't even get me started (in fact, you can't get me started.) Horse related . . . 17 head in various stages of training and readiness. Not a single one of them where I think they ought to be, and where they would be, were I consistent in my approach to them or any other thing going on in my life.

Why do I find this important enough to take up time in a blog? It's one of those things that I run into time, after time. Great ideas, blossoming rampantly in my head that somehow never see fruition, horses kept and hung on to in light of what they MIGHT be, CAN be, if I will take the time to bring them along. When something is placed in front of your face, over and over til it's the only thing you see, might, perhaps, be time to pay some attention.

I am huge on blaming my husband, after all, a certain amount of those projects out there have his name on them. If I want a tool, I need only to look where he had it last, and unbury it out of the fallen leaves. As long as I can keep blaming him, I can put off examing my own behavior and taking care of my side of the street. Excellent procratination device, and frees up a lot more time for me to be on the computer.

Horse related . . . Back to Moonshine (at last, you sigh, something about a horse!!). She is definitely a victim of started-not finished horse training. By myself and others. I have blown through her saddling issue . . . Decided the tension in her was not worthy of address, she didn't really DO anything, did she? Last night, I am pretty sure if I would have just saddled her, forced her to bridle and jumped on her, she'd have bucked my ass off. Or something. Took me most of the evening to just get a bridle on her. Last time, I thought we had dealt with the problem or at least taken a step in a positive direction with her concerns. She showed me we are not on the same page, at all. I hate it that I am mis-reading her so badly. What it really is, on my part, I want to ride her. I want to ignore that she has never been started properly and is holey as swiss cheese with mice in residence. She tolerates humans on her back and I want to fix whatever is wrong from there. I keep insisting on heading this way, and the stuff I am ignoring from the ground or giving lip service to fixing, is getting worse.

I have two hard to catch horses in my herd. Jack, the rescue horse, and Moonshine. By now, most of what I ride, would have been easy to get close to, would hunt the halter when I offer. Not her. Horses tell you what they think about working with you in the ways they react and interact with you. I sure am not happy about what this sensitive, wonderful mare is telling me. She deserves for me to give her what I know, to complete the task, and to do it from the ground up. Give her what she needs instead of me selfishly insisting upon what I want. (right, Brenda? :=))

Most of the time, when I blog, it's going to be a start to finish (at least I can do that, HERE!). This is the problem, this is what I did to fix it, this is what I learned from the process. This blog is about unfinished business. I can't tell you what the ending is because I am not there yet. All I know is that it is becoming critical that I seek organization and discipline within myself to give my horses, my husband, friends and world the better parts of what I have to offer, not to mention it would sure make it easier to get around, in the kitchen!

Good horsemanship isn't a skill or a discipline, it's a way of life. How my house, my barn, my yard, my car, my herd look on the outside, reflects what's happening on the inside. It's high time I bring what I am learning in regards to my horses all the way home. Doesn't leave much room for blaming others, losing my temper, poor living habits, and ineffective behaviors. This isn't for anyone but me and it's been a long time coming. I am guessing at least my horses and husband would be thankful for the improvement.

1 comment:

Gretchen said...

Cool stuff, as usual. Thanks for sharing. I'm enjoying reading your blog.